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(received in an email) Aug. 18th, 2005 @ 02:18 pm
rainbowgem
The Modern Version Of 'The Birds and The Bees'...

A little boy goes to his father and asks "Daddy, how was I born?" The father answers: "Well, son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway! Your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on Yahoo. Then I set up a date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a cyber-cafe. We sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive. As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, and since it was too late to hit the delete button, nine months later a blessed little Pop-Up appeared and said: You've Got Male!"

LMFAO! Aug. 12th, 2005 @ 09:04 am
shade_o_matic
Bra fence!!!!

LMFAO!!! Aug. 8th, 2005 @ 03:32 pm
shade_o_matic
When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find an ill man curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline and plugged his hose into the motor home's sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges, saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever had.

Oh how stupidity abounds Aug. 8th, 2005 @ 03:05 pm
shade_o_matic
"I was relating this story from stupid law suits to some coworkers: A woman is suing the pharmacy that sold her a popular contraceptive jelly - because she ate the stuff on toast and got pregnant anyway. After the laughter subsided, we noticed one of our co-workers with a puzzled expression on her face. Her question? "How did she get pregnant by eating contraceptive jelly?" This a grown woman - with children (no wonder!)"

5 stages of drunkenness Jul. 19th, 2005 @ 11:32 pm
enchantress13
Interesting Jokes

compiled by Leon



5 Stages of drunkenness

Stage 1 - SMART This is when you suddenly become an expert on every subject in the known Universe. You know you know everything and want to pass on your knowledge to anyone who will listen. At this stage you are always RIGHT. And of course the person you are talking to is very WRONG. This makes for an interesting argument when both parties are SMART.

Stage 2 - GOOD LOOKING This is when you realize that you are the BEST LOOKING person in the entire bar and that people fancy you. You can go up to a perfect stranger knowing they fancy you and really want to talk to you. Bear in mind that you are still SMART, so you can talk to this person about any subject under the sun.

Stage 3 - RICH This is when you suddenly become the richest person in the world. You can buy drinks for the entire bar because you have an armored truck full of money parked behind the bar. You can also make bets at this stage, because of course, you are still SMART, so naturally you win all your bets. It doesn't matter how much you bet 'cause you are RICH. You will also buy drinks for everyone that you fancy, because now you are the BEST LOOKING person in the world.

Stage 4 - BULLET PROOF You are now ready to pick fights with anyone and everyone especially those with whom you have been betting or arguing. This is because nothing can hurt you. At this point you can also go up to the partners of the people who you fancy and challenge to a battle of wits or money. You have no fear of losing this battle because you are SMART, you are RICH and hell, you're BETTER LOOKING than they are anyway!

Stage 5 - INVISIBLE This is the Final Stage of Drunkenness. At this point you can do anything because NO ONE CAN SEE YOU. You dance on a table to impress the people who you fancy because the rest of the people in the room cannot see you. You are also invisible to the person who wants to fight you. You can walk through the street singing at the top of your lungs because no one can see or hear you and because you're still SMART you know all the words.

I need a sign like this..... Jul. 11th, 2005 @ 11:47 pm
enchantress13
Image hosted by Photobucket.com

Cats emoticize Jul. 8th, 2005 @ 11:56 am
enchantress13
Image hosted by Photobucket.com

Jun. 14th, 2005 @ 11:45 am
rainbowgem
A monkey is sitting in a tree smoking a joint when a lizard walks past,
looks up, and says to the monkey, "Hey! What are you doing?" The monkey
says, "Smoking a joint, Come up and have some." So the lizard climbs up and
sits next to the monkey, and they share a few tokes. After a while the
lizard says his mouth is dry and is going to get a drink from the river.
Once at the river, the lizard is so stoned that he leans over and falls into
the water.
A Crocodile sees this, swims over to the lizard, and helps him to the
side; then he asks the lizard, "What's the matter with you?" The lizard
explains to the crocodile that he was sitting smoking a joint with the
monkey in the tree, got too stoned, and then fell into the river while
taking a drink.
The crocodile says he has to check this out and walks into the jungle, finds
the tree where the monkey is sitting, finishing a joint, and he looks up and
says, "Hey!"
The Monkey looks down and says, "Fuuuuuuuu**...... DUDE....... how much
water did you drink?!!!!!"

Ever wonder.... Jun. 14th, 2005 @ 11:43 am
rainbowgem
Q: How many women with MENOPAUSE (or PMS) does it take to change a light bulb?

A: One! ONLY ONE!!!! And do you know WHY? Because no one else in this house knows HOW to change a light bulb! They don't even know that the bulb is BURNED OUT!! They would sit in the dark for THREE DAYS before they figured it out. And, once they figured it out, they wouldn't be able to find the #&%!* light bulbs despite the fact that they've been in the SAME CABINET for the past 17 YEARS! But if they did, by some miracle of God, actually find them, 2 DAYS LATER, the chair they dragged to stand on to change the STUPID light bulb would STILL BE IN THE SAME SPOT!!!!! AND UNDERNEATH IT WOULD BE THE WRAPPER THE FREAKING LIGHT BULBS CAME IN!!! BECAUSE NO ONE EVER CARRIES OUT THE GARBAGE!!!! IT'S A WONDER WE HAVEN'T ALL SUFFOCATED FROM THE PILES OF GARBAGE THAT ARE A FOOT DEEP THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE HOUSE!! IT WOULD TAKE AN ARMY TO CLEAN THIS PLACE! AND DON'T EVEN GET ME STARTED ON WHO CHANGES THE TOILET PAPER ROLL !! . . .



I'm sorry. What was the question?

Signs Signs Everywhere ... Jun. 12th, 2005 @ 07:55 pm
rainbowgem
Here's a sign we just HAD to get a pic of on loooong way home Saturday night...

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